In 2011, I:

• graduated from the best university in the country (us Longhorns have immense school pride),
• was accepted to medical school, only to feel way over my head when I actually started,
• made lots of amazing new friends, and
• traveled to Taiwan for the first time.

For me, 2011 was a year of realizations. I think I’m finally becoming aware of what kind of sacrifices are exactly made when you commit to the decision of wanting to become a physician. I’ve had the luxury of entering medical school straight from undergrad (the “traditional” student), so I can’t even begin to fathom what it’s like for my much older classmates…but in my case, just even reaching the epiphany that most of my 20s will be spent in a library or in a hospital, trying to fill my brain with thousands upon thousands of minuscule (but important) factoids was a bit dampening. Most of my friends are either working or about to work, and by the time I graduate from medical school (earning -$40,000/year), they will probably be working their way towards buying their first houses or settling down. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SO FAST.

But despite how much it seems like I hate medical school, I know this was the right decision for me. It’s a contradiction, really — I hate how much time I need (and do) put in to my studying, but I love learning so many things about the human body. Time feels like it’s moving by so slowly, and yet I’m inching closer and closer to the end of my first year. Yesterday was the day Texas applicants matched to their medical schools — it feels like it was just literally yesterday when it happened for me. I know more things that I ever thought I could know, and there’s so much more to learn. I’m turning yet another year older…where has the time gone?

I think 2012 will be a very exciting year for me. I get to travel to Nicaragua for Spring Break on my first medical mission trip, and I have research lined up for the summer that I’m actually interested in. I want to make this year a memorable one, while bettering myself in the process. (How cheesy is that? I feel so old.)

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It’s hard to describe the experience in words: it’s flown by so fast (and yet so slowly), but before I knew it, I found myself sitting here at my desk trying to convey how utterly surreal it’s been (while haphazardly trying to pack for my flight to Taiwan tomorrow morning). I’ve met lots of amazing people, am astounded with how much I’ve learned in only 6 months, and am desperately trying to figure out how I’m supposed to keep all this information in my head.

Classmates have been making status updates with how we’re “1/8th” of a doctor now — and the thought is kind of terrifying. If this semester is any indication, 7 more will fly right on by and I’ll be responsible for people’s lives. Holy. Cow.

…trying not to let that thought get the best of me. Until then, I’m going half way around the world on a long-awaited vacation. Prepare for upcoming picture posts! :)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXh9RQCvxmg

Astrophysics is something that greatly interests me (that black hole section during the interview blew my mind!), and I wish I had the intelligence to pursue it. This had to have been one of the most interesting interviews (if not the most interesting interview) I’ve ever watched — having Stephen Colbert leading it was a big plus too :)

Other news:

• Test week is approaching (yet again) in 2 weeks, so updates will probably be sparse between then and now. But it’s not like they were numerous to begin with…but…
• I’m going to Taiwan for my winter break, so that hopefully means that I finally get to use my camera again and make lots of photo updates! Yay.

Today, I “milked” my cadaver’s large intestines in order to clean it out of feces. (Or, put succintly, I squeezed some bowels and took out some poop.) And in about 15 minutes, I’m heading over to an Indian buffet for some grub.

…I think it’s safe to say that rumor is true.

…hypothetically. (Or not. The other car came out of the ordeal unscathed and no insurance information was exchanged, and I guess it could be worse. But it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. AGH.)

In the middle of tests — round 2. I don’t think many people can truly appreciate the feeling of studying your ass off and still feeling like you know nothing/are not prepared….

But when I’m not freaking out, I’m trying to overload my brain with hundreds of pages of information, all to the tune of the following songs: (House music is the only thing I can listen to when I study — minimal words, and it keeps me upbeat! Although the latter might also have to do with the can of Red Bull that you can now find me consuming every day during test week.)

…and listening to such music makes me feel slightly better about spending so much time in library, because it feels like a PARTY. (For a split second, anyways.)

My first round of exams start on Friday, and I’ve been freaking out about them since a week and a half ago. I’m also starting to think that I spend more time at school and the library than I do back home…which is kind of unfortunate. I feel like medical school is one big oxymoron — I feel so incredibly lucky that I get to be here, but at the same time I hate it. I hate medical school. I hate the feeling of sitting in class and getting lost in the material within 10 minutes, and I hate the feeling of medical school because it’s seriously like taking a drink of water from a fire hydrant that’s spewing water at a million miles per hour. I hate being tired all day, and I hate the fact that I’m starting to need stronger coffee because I’m starting to build a tolerance to normal doses of caffeine. (An aside: no joke, this one urologist I shadowed in college needs 4 mugs of coffee before work. Every morning.) I hate having to study every week like it’s finals just to keep up with the material, and I hate the fact that I just spent 80% of my first three day weekend in the library. (No. Really.)

But then you get to volunteer at a clinic for women who are in unfortunate circumstances, and you realize why you’re having to put yourself through that kind of hell in the first place. You get to shadow surgeons in the midst of saving lives, and you find yourself falling in love with medicine all over again. You get to work with outstanding faculty who really just want to teach you everything they know, and you meet amazing people with incredible experiences before they even came to medical school.

I really just wish medical schools could incorporate more of the latter stuff so us students won’t forget why we’re in school in the first place.

Also: I’m sort of convinced that J.K. Rowling drew her inspiration for naming the spells in the Harry Potter books from anatomy terms…because, really, don’t orbicularis oculi (the muscle around your face that’s responsible for closing the eyelid), plica semilunaris (that fleshy, moony part in the inner corner of your eye), and infidibulum (refers to funnel-shaped cavities in the body) sound like something Harry Potter would shout out during an epic battle with Voldemort?

…or maybe it’s just me.

• am actually starting to wonder what I just got myself into. I really am (unfortunately) in class as if it’s a 9-5 job, except I have to come back home and study what I’ve just learned. “Study” is a loose term for what I think I actually accomplish away from school, because I honestly feel like I retain 20% of what I’m supposed to know every day.
• am starting to learn words I never thought existed like thoracolumbar fascia and syncytiotrophoblast and glossopharyngeal and pterygopalatine, all of which come from anatomy (and which probably doesn’t bode well for memorizing).
• had my first anatomy lab. Apparently there’s no such thing as easing into medical school — we went full speed and started cutting and identifying parts of the body, and our first quiz over our dissection is Monday. In the meantime, my classmates and I are learning how to get rid of that nasty formaldehyde smell that plagues first year medical students. (How can you tell first year med students apart from others? They reek!)
• am having a mini-freakout after realizing exactly how much information we’re supposed to learn in a month for our first round of exams. Every word in every sentence on every page that’s contained snuggly within my 2″ binder is expected to be committed to memory. I’m having trouble believing my brain can squeeze that much information in it. Rinse and repeat 8 times until May — that’s a foot and a half of information on sheets of paper for the first year.

And now…it’s time to head to the library for a (not so) nice session of “trying desperately to commit this all to memory.” AHHH.